My journey to god is one that I never thought I would experience. I didn’t grow up In a christian family. I grew up in a family fill of alcohol , gambling and drugs ,violence and abuse. I was the oldest of 2 growing up now the oldest of 3. I lived a life of fear and did a lot of bad things to people as a way to protect myself from all the hurt that was happening to me. I was not a nice person growing up. I was someone I was ashamed of but couldn’t change the way I was as I had to protect myself from the world around me.
I had heard about god a few times in my life but didn’t think he was real because of all I was going through. I couldn’t understand if god was real and he loves you and cares about you and has a plan for you then why was all this horrible stuff happening to me? I went through life not believing but not not believing either. I kinda had a he may be real but I don’t know
Fast forward a few years to when I was living in christchurch and made friends with the girl and her family who lived next door. They were christians and invited me to church one weekend. So as a 13 year old I entered this church no real idea what to expect. I remember feeling out of place while everyone stood around talking about god and the things that god was doing for them at the moment. I didn’t understand much of the message as it was all relating to the bible of which at this point I never read. I really enjoyed the singing part but unfortunately I had a few older people say to me that I shouldn’t be there because of my past. I believed them and ever returned. This then caused me to look at christians as horrible people something that lasted for a long time.
Fast forward a few more years and that is where my journey to my new life with god really began. After all the up's and downs In my life I never finished school so in 2009 I began a course at unitec to get me back up to where I should be with my education. I made a few really good friends. One of which I the meet tim my husband through.
Tim and his family had grown up in a christian family. Which of course was the complete opposite to me.i was Afraid that tim's parents would rejected because I was not christian and my past was so bad like I had been from the church in my younger years . But that did not happen I was welcomed with open arms.
As I got to know his family I got to hear more about how church and god worked with tim's dad attending the salvation army. I remember hearing multiple stories from Michael which made me more and more interested in church and god. When I meet tims Nan and Gran I was blown away by how nice and kind and accepting they were. I had been worried they would be like the other old people at the church in christchurch and would not like me because of where I was in my past. But they welcomed me with open arms and I was apart of the family to them which changed my view on christian people.
I found myself really wanting to ask Michael if I could go to church with him one Sunday. I had this
feeling that I needed to go with him but was so scared and nervous that I never asked him. In September 2014 Michael asked us to come to church with him for fathers day. I thought brilliant an opportunity to check it out with no pressure to return. I was so nervous to go as the last time I went to church it was not a nice experience. We walked in to a room full of so many awesome smiles and kind people. So many people coming up to talk to us and so many people talking to me and not treating me like the outsider that I was.
As the service went on I sat and listened. God had a message for me that day. The message came from this video that was played. He wanted me to know I was created by him and that I was not bad or junk! That he loved me no matter what I did wrong.
From that day on I attended church where I could. I grew my understanding of god! I struggled with my mental health over the years and in 2015 I was at the lowest I ever was. Struggling with where to go with my life. Wanting to make changes but not knowing how! When one night I was up late crying broken lost and afraid and a name came to me of someone who might be able to help. It was the new officer at glen eden army Missy. I couldn’t work out why I thought of her to help me I only meet her once and she seemed nice but I didn’t know her. I spoke to Susan the following day and she too had the same thought so we emailed missy and she meet with us the following week.
Missy came in and was so understanding and taught me how to re build my life. We worked through a
book called Crash The chatter box where I crashed the horrible voices in my head and learned to hear gods voice! After we did the work through the book I knew where I wanted my life to go and I asked missy to teach me more about god and what it means to be a christian with the end goal of becoming a christian myself. We worked through the parts of the bible . She answered all my silly questions and on the 13th of April 2016 with missy I gave my life to god was forgiven for all my mistakes and my life started again.
Over the past year I have faced so many challenges and through them all god as been the light the guidance and has gotten me through it all. As many of you know I suffer multiple health conditions and on the hardest of days god is my strength. I don’t get to church often because my health just dose not allow me to but each day god is with me he bring me his word and his messages through songs , sermons and other ways!
I am on a journey to better health and a better life and god is showing me the way. I am not perfect I make mistakes still! I am still learning! But through it all go is there reminding me that I am loved and that he will be there each step of the way! All I need to do is trust him , Talk to him and let him show me his plan for my life!
I know now that god didn’t make all the horrible things that happened to me happen. He didn’t make it happen but he will use all the bad for good! He will use me to spread a message of hope to all those who struggle! If god can use me he can use anyone!
He brought the people into my life that I needed. Tim , Mum , Dad, Nan , Gran & Missy the ones he knew would show me the life he wanted for me! Thanks to everyone who had played such an important role in this journey and are walking this walk with me you all awesome and I love you all!
So that is my journey to where I am and finding god! If you have any questions let me know below or message me!