Finding the light among the darkness

April 14, 2019


As many of you will know i have Depression,Anxiety & PTSD. I have experienced dark times since i was 8 years old! The " Dark Times" come and they go. When i was younger the dark times were only ever short but as i have grown up the dark times last a lot longer. 


Anyone who follows me on my social media accounts will know that i am currently experiencing a dark time. One month ago my father suddenly passed away and i have been struggling! It caused a major relapse in my physical and mental health. I am still in this dark place so feel like writing this blog right now is the perfect time because i can share all the things that are helping me to find the light again. 


Over the years i have developed ways to get through these dark times and find the light again. It is a process of learning what works for you as we all process things differently . So i am going to share with you what i do get through the dark times and get back into the light. 


For those who are in a bad or dark place at the moment please know you are never alone! If you ever need to talk feel free to contact me on Facebook , Instagram or email (


Also reach out to those services we have in NZ that provide support! You can see the full list of where you can get help here. 




During my times of darkness i have moments of wanting to find the light again and moments where i am too tired to fight. This is OKAY being in darkness is not something that can be fixed overnight! You are going to have moments of being up and then down again. What is important is that you find ways to keep yourself safe during those times. 


Personally what i like to do is on the days where i am full of fight & drive to find that darkness is do things that make me happy & make me feel like life is good.  On the good days i  do the things that full my cup to the very top. This helps the bad days because i have a full cup of happy & light it makes those bad dark days a little easier to get through. On my good days i write a to do list and get tasks done that make me feel accomplished and on track. I will get some form of exercise in because that makes me feel AMAZING and while i have the motivation to do it is a good thing! 


Then on the bad days the focus is on just getting through the day. I do things that make me feel safe & calm . I don't put any pressure on myself to get things done! Don't do anything that dose not make me feel safe! I wont leave the house , I wont workout i will simply STOP and do those important things that bring me to a safe & calm space. 


Below i will share the types of things i do on a " Good Day" to fill my Light / happiness / positivity cup  and the types of things i will do on a " Bad day" . It is important to remember that for all of us are different what i find helpful to get through these days you might not. It is so important to find what works for you and do that. 


Good days - Exercise go for a walk or do a home workout , Go out for breakfast / Lunch , Go out and do something fun , Go to my favorite spots , Go & sit by the water , Go to the zoo , Get some chores/tasks done that i have been meaning to do etc! There are so many things that i can do on my " Good days" that fill my cup and make me feel good! 


Bad days - Watch my favorite movies / TV shows , Listen to my " Uplifting playlist " that i have on spotify full of  songs that make me feel good , Read a book , Write/Journal , Listening to life FM , Reading my devotionals. These are the things that help me process and cope with those bad days. These are the things i do to prevent a 'bad day" becoming a really bad day. 


The reason i do the things i do on my good days as well is because then i can reflect on them during my bad days and that helps me to remember that although its dark and hard right now there was time not so long ago where i was happy , positive and in the light and i can and will be back in that same space again soon i just have to keep holding on. 


The other things i have found that help with finding the light during the dark times is talking / sharing / blogging. I never used to share my darkness with anyone because i felt ashamed of it but once i started to share i found that it was something that so many of us go through and its okay. Sharing my journey with all my followers and getting comments of support and encouragement has helped me so much on my journey. As well as that going to counselling weekly and talking through all my feelings with my amazing counselor has helped to process the darkness and find the light again. 


The journey of mental health is a tough one but it is one that YOU can make it through!! I have been walking this journey since i was 8 years old. I was 8 the first time i told a police officer that i wanted to die. I am still here because i KEEP fighting and i always will! I walk through darkness on the regular BUT i am still here searching for my light and working towards having a life that is full of more light then dark. 


To all those who are on a journey like mine that has so many dark days remember this dose not last forever! There will be light again! You just have to keep pushing , keep fighting , keep doing you! Your not alone! Reach out if you need to chat! Always here to talk! 


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