I shared a post earlier this week on facebook/ Instagram about my mother and the game she is playing & how i am in a situation where i have to walk away from some family members.
But i didn't go into much detail due to it being a Facebook post and not being able to share as much detail. By the comments i received it is clear that more detail is required sooner rather then later. I had planned on writing about this in a few weeks.
This Blog is about explaining why i am conflicted about walking away. This is something i feel needs to be explained as life is not as simple as what some may think. Dealing with removing people from you life is not simple it is a very difficult decision no matter what the circumstances.
Its important to note that i will be writing mother like this for the duration of this blog ' Mother' because i don't like to call her this as i don't believe anyone should have that title unless they deserve it! As far as i am concerned she is not my mother after all she has done she is not worthy of such name. In real life when talking about her i call her by her name however as angry as i am at her i will not name her for the sake of privacy.
My 'mother' is a Narcissist ( Narc for short) for those who don't know what that is these images will provide a short description and this will be a topic i cover in more detail in future blogs. She likes to control and hurt me because of this and it has been her game for my whole life.
I have only recently identified that this is what she is. Knowing this has given me a further understanding into why is is like this. I am still learning and still understanding Narc's & Narcissism. It is something i am working on through my counselling and also reading books on this topic.
Now the most important detail to know is i have cut ALL contact with her! I haven't had contact with her since December 2017 so over a year ago now! I did this because i know the only way forward is without her in my life i don't deserve to keep living her game and letting her destroy my life. So December 2017 i cut communication and i really thought that would be the end of it and i would be able to move on with my life. But i was wrong! Instead of leaving me alone she uses other people to hurt me. The people she uses to hurt me are my grandparents! Two of the most special people in my life. They have been there for me my whole life. While other family were taken away from me when my mum decided to cut contact with my Dad and dad sides of the family.
My grandparents are her mother & father and she has a way to convince them that she could never do no wrong. They are so special to me but unfortunately they are also deaf so their understanding of the world is different. It makes communication difficult and explaining to them that my 'Mother' is just playing game is so difficult. They don't understand the hurt my mother has caused and how damaged and destroyed my life is because of her. They are innocent people in a very messy twisted game that my 'Mother' plays.
To cut them off breaks my heart beyond anything! They don't meant to hurt me they think they are helping by doing what my ' Mother' instructs them to do. This is all apart of what Narcs do which i will explain more in a blog post all about Narcissist mothers next week. It is so difficult to cut off members of the family who mean so much. Especially when they are old and who knows how much longer they have. I have just experienced so much guilt over my dads passing. Needing to cut them out of my life for the duration of time it takes to heal my pain and find a way to no longer let my "Mother' affect me scares me because i might not get the chance to fix things with them before its too late.
I hope this explains this situation just a little more to those who just didn't understand what i was talking about. More will be explained in a further blog when i write more about Narcissists. In the meantime if you have any questions please feel free to contact me.