A open and honest letter to the young girl i once was! Writing this to bring awareness to what goes on in the head of a young girl growing up in a home full of fighting. Sharing to show that your not alone if your in this place! Sharing to hopefully get just one mother or one father to think about the home they are raising their child or children in.
Dear Young Melissa,
I know things are hard right now! I know you are in a home that is unsafe and surrounded by abuse. You go to bed each night more frightened then the last. Always wondering what will happen tonight and waiting for the monsters to come into you room to blame you for everything.
Your eight years old you have just witnessed for the first time your mother being thrown up against a wall by her partner. You were scared but you ran to your mum's protection. You always have had that heart of gold to protect those around you. The police were called by a neighbor this night and the policeman had to talk to you because you had seen what happened. This is how that conversation went.
Policeman: Does this happen often , The fighting between your parents?
Your reply: Yes , Almost every night once they start drinking & playing the game on the computer.
Policeman: How do you feel? Are you okay?
Your reply: No i feel afraid , I want to run away , I want to die but i have to stay to protect my mum and my little brother. I don't feel safe in this house.
A innocent little girl afraid to sleep because every night its the same situation. The adults drink , gamble online and then start fighting. It starts as just a little yelling and then before too long the yelling is loud and the banging starts. Cups being thrown doors being slammed mum being hit and your standing at the end of the hallway crying and yelling for them to stop. You have your younger brother curled up in your bed crying and scared and your just trying to be strong for him because he needs you.
As the years went by you got more hurt and more scared. You often would be found crying under your blanket wondering if your world would be like this forever. Overwhelmed by feelings of anger & hurt! Wondering if life would be better if you just took your own life! Doing all you can to protect and care for your younger brother not wanting him to see , hear and experience the things you have had too. Trying to be there for your mum as much as you can despite not understanding what is going on.
The years are going to go on like this for sometime. The fighting will get worse you will become the target of his rage because you do all you can to protect your mum and your brother! You wish they would stop drinking and stop the fighting but it won't happen. You are going to start planning how to take your own life. Your going to attempt to follow those plans a few times but some close friends are going to stop you before its too late.
BUT! The time will come when you break away from those who have hurt you and realize that what they did was not your fault. You were just an innocent child who's mum failed to protect her the way a mother should. You were hurt by people should have protected you! You were hated for reasons that had nothing to do with you! I know your head is full of horrible memories and negative thoughts.
I know it feels like things will be horrible forever but i promise things will get better! One day you are going to find your way out of this! It not going to be easy your going to have lasting damages from this life but your going to be okay! The lasting affect of this trauma will be hard but i promise it will be a lot better then what your living now. Your going to survive and your going to use this to teach , inspire , motivate and change those around you and the world!
Your going to stand tall and show the world your scars in the hope to change just one child's life! To get one parent to think twice about how they treat their child!
Keep fighting , Keep hoping , Keep dreaming , Keep being you because you are amazing , special and perfect they way you are!
With love from
The woman your going to become!